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On the Pleasure of Hating Kobe Bryant

stuart2

Administrator
From MSN Slate (link to article)

On the Pleasure of Hating Kobe Bryant
And the sadness of watching him exit the playoffs.
By Sam Anderson, MSN Slate (link to article)

When the Phoenix Suns embarrassed Kobe Bryant's Lakers this weekend in what should have been a classic Game 7, it marked the beginning of a kind of spiritual vacation for me. I detest Kobe with such bilious overpowering fervor that, when he's playing well, I have trouble doing much else with my life: an incapacitating dark sludge floods my soul. Over the last few weeks—as Kobe threw dirty elbows, made smug post-game comments, and beat the lovable Suns on a couple of irritatingly great last-second shots—my Kobe-hatred swelled to alarmingly high levels. With the Suns' victory, however, I felt the black tide begin to recede. Its absence still feels strange.

I don't hate Kobe for petty reasons: for his talent, for instance, which is beyond dispute and often gorgeous to watch, or because he sold out Shaq, or because he's an adulterer, or because his face looks like a weasel. I can forgive all of that. I don't even hate him because the referees surround him with a sacred halo of gentle touching (he was once so coddled in a playoff game that Ralph Nader had to start agitpropping about it), or because he's skewed the self-perceptions of pickup ball-hogs across the nation, or even because he makes close to my yearly salary every time he scores a basket. This is all irritating but peripheral. The true source of my rage is much, much deeper: I hate Kobe Bryant's rotten and derivative soul.

Since Michael Jordan's final title in 1998, NBA superstars have suffered mightily from what Harold Bloom termed "anxiety of influence." The Jordan myth—a morality play about how dedication, respect for the game, and loving your parents makes you the undisputed greatest person in the world—has stifled an entire generation of great players. But, as Jordan's most talented immediate successor, Kobe has been uniquely warped. He's plagiarized MJ's game so expertly that, in many ways, he's ahead of the master's curve—Kobe is stronger than the 27-year-old Jordan and has a deadlier outside shot. But for all his miraculous skills, Kobe is painfully bad at mythmaking. Since he's a Jordan-like talent, Kobe clearly thinks that he's entitled to the Jordan mythology, but he doesn't have any of Jordan's charisma or imagination. As melodramatic and managed as Jordan's career was, there was some authentic core—it was original and seemed to mean something. Kobe exists entirely within quotation marks.

Jordan was a master of pantomime. He built his empire largely on iconic celebratory gestures: the tongue-wag, the splay-legged fist pump, the impish "Even I marvel at my own divinity" shrug. Kobe's dramatic gestures are all either borrowed or embarrassing. After his game-winner over the Suns in Game 4, Kobe held his fist frozen in front of him exactly like MJ used to. But when he got clotheslined by Raja Bell in the next game, there was no script to work from: You could almost see him trying to remember if Come Fly With Me had any footage of Jordan getting horse-collared by Joe Dumars. Kobe finally improvised with a sassy hand-gesture shuffle. He wiped a pile of imaginary dirt off of his shoulder for a while, then added a schoolmarm finger waggle while making the least convincing tough-guy face I've ever seen. It was like a high-school production of West Side Story.

The Phoenix crowd's Game 7 chant of "Kobe sucks" brought on another round of awkward posturing. Kobe cupped his hand to his ear, Hulk Hogan-style, and held it long enough for TNT's cameras to swivel and zoom; then he nodded sarcastically with his lips pursed for a good 10 seconds. It was supposed to look cocky and defiant but came off as empty petulant theater. When play resumed he launched into an incredible burst of scoring that made me wonder if the greatest talent in the basketball universe is merely an expression of insecurity.

The circumstances surrounding the Phoenix series made Kobe's image-manipulation comically transparent. When word leaked out that Steve Nash had won the MVP again, essentially for being the anti-Kobe, Bryant suddenly transformed his game into a mediocre Nash impression, passing up good shots to get his teammates slightly worse ones. Though the media congratulated him for his selflessness, his real agenda—to prove that he was the snubbed MVP who can do it all—was painfully obvious. Kobe is the only player in the league whose game is most showy when he scores fewer than 30 points.

In the carefully scripted after-school special of Kobe Bryant's career, this playoff series was the part where he "selflessly" "matured" into a "leader." During TV timeouts, he seized his teammates by their faces and shouted intense Jordan-esque lectures directly into their ears, carefully exaggerating his gestures so people in the cheap seats could admire his leadership. In the second half of Game 7, with the Lakers needing a miracle only Kobe could provide, he refused to shoot. Instead, he made a big show of deferring to the role players. To the untrained, this looked like pouting, but you could see him mentally adding another line to his resume: He had taught his teammates not to rely on their superstar in a dire situation.

At some point over the weekend, after Kobe had swished another fadeaway 20-foot turnaround with a defender sitting on his shoulders, my wife wondered aloud whether my hatred might be doing permanent damage to my heart. But I know it's not. Hating an athlete isn't like hating an actual person. It's like hating a character in a novel. My hatred is exceptionally pure and completely contained within the parameters of the game. When Kobe went to the bench with five minutes left and the Suns' lead hovering around 30, I felt an unfamiliar emotion: a twinge of sadness followed by pity. I could feel my Kobe-hatred slipping away, and it made me sad. I will miss it. Everyone left in the playoffs is disturbingly likable. I have nothing to look forward to until next year.
 
Great article, thanks.

Even went back and read the letter Nader and co. wrote a few years back (I forgot all about it).:D
 
wow, i couldnt even have tohught of such a thing, but i second this guy!
 
wow, this guy can put his thoughts into words... great article. I use to like Kobe a lot, I even have his shirt that someone gave me about 7 Xmas ago, but for some reason I don't feel the same way about him now, so this guy may not be wrong at all.
 
stuart said:
But, as Jordan's most talented immediate successor....

I think Jordan's real successor is Lebron James, not Kobe Bryant.
 
23_for_life said:
I think Jordan's real successor is Lebron James, not Kobe Bryant.
All the way there bro...
Labron took the cavs to the playoffs...at only 21 he puts stats in rebounds passes and points the Kobe at that age could only dream...hes not a selfish player...and by far the next big thing since Jordan.
Labrons Basketball talnet didnt even begin to tap in my mind...

Altough i would agree that Kobe's shotings are better than Jordan's...Kobe was only a 2nd shadow player when the Lakers took the 3 peat...it was Shaq who was the MVP and money player :confused: and at Jordans Era the bulls took 2 3peats in the 90's mainly becuse of him...so in leadership...wining...abilites to make the last shot...and so on...hes not even close to being Jordan...jordan is the best of all times not cuse of shots...cuse hes the best winner the basketball world seen...which is why he's a gr8 player..."if not" the best player of them all.

BTW after Labron I'd even take the flash(aka Wade)as a better all around player than KB.
 
FanBoy said:
All the way there bro...
Labron took the cavs to the playoffs...at only 21 he puts stats in rebounds passes and points the Kobe at that age could only dream...hes not a selfish player...and by far the next big thing since Jordan.
Labrons Basketball talnet didnt even begin to tap in my mind...
Altough i would agree that Kobe's shotings are better than Jordan's...Kobe was only a 2nd shadow player when the Lakers took the 3 peat...it was Shaq who was the MVP and money player :confused: and at Jordans Era the bulls took 2 3peats in the 90's mainly becuse of him...so in leadership...wining...abilites to make the last shot...and so on...hes not even close to being Jordan...jordan is the best of all times not cuse of shots...cuse hes the best winner the basketball world seen...which is why he's a gr8 player..."if not" the best player of them all..
Yes, and LeBron so far has won what, to deserve your "real successor" title?
Oh right, he took his team to playoffs in the weaker East... once (after two failures). And I guess you'd say this is much better than Kobe & Lakers, Melo & Nuggets and so on?
That's what I don't like about Bron. I despise all this f***** HYPE that he got (and continues to get) surrounded with IN ADVANCE.
He hasn't won anything yet, and to tell the truth, it doesn't look like he's gonna win any in the near future - because the Cavs are bound to play Pistons in semifinals for the next 3 or so years, at least. And there's no way they can win.
Granted, he'd still be very young when Wallaces and Billups go downhill... But who's to say that there won't emerge another TEAM (as opposed to one man/king show - Cavs) or that the Pistons won't manage to stay on top?
That's from the basketball standpoint.
From marketting standpoint, LeBron is the current goldenboy of the NBA, that's a fact. And from this standpoint, he will surpass Jordan (actually, maybe already did). And eventually he'll get named the G.o.a.t. just because of this. Because as we all know, it's all about hype and dough, not sportsmanship.
 
I agree that Labron didnt win anything...but the diffrance between him and Kobe is clear...last game against Detroit he did something most people will dream to see KB do...15 points in Q4 add to that hes asists at that quater and hes rebounds and steals...you get 21points/10asists/10rebs.
Also Labron was far better than Kobe in the US highschool league...so at a young age you can mark a + on labron.
Seconed labron is one of only 3 players to achive 25p-7reb-7asists in a seaon or rookie year...and won the Rookie of the year...than a year after and on hes 3rd year compare Kobe abilites at that age to Labrons and you can see the diffrance yourself...

For now and i say NOW kobe is better cuse hes got more years...but Labron can easly top that...unless one can call all of america and basketball experts "lamers" for the over hype...

but dont forget so far hes all they said he is...

but for now i give Kobe the credit...but Labrons passing and diffansive abilites are FAR and i say FAR better than kobe...on a flashy and scoring game Kobe got the edge...
 
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